Seed packets need better icons and instructions. In the interests of all gardeners, I offer my own humble contribution.
Planting Instructions for Demanding Diva
It takes more steps to plant this than to launch a space shuttle. Plan carefully before opening. Make sure all tools and supplies are within reach. Read all instructions completely before proceeding.
Train 24-year-old orange-flecked talking parrot to sing Siegfried’s Finale (Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen) – either part (you will sing second part). See attached video for instructions and orchestration. Water with Evian and lime juice twice a day for three weeks. Water with tap water and bacon drippings once a day for four weeks. Water with lukewarm 7up mixed with cranberry juice five times a day for the rest of the month, alternating with Perrier and pomegranate juice on Thursdays.